Sunday, April 26, 2009


Hello everyone
I have not written for a few days, I guess I have been reeling in a whole new diagnostic problem.
I had a good trip to Eugene and was able to talk with the oncologist about my fears and concerns.
We reviewed my case from perhaps a more realistic approach and clearly this is the area of endometrial cancer that has a lot of holes in the data. My surgeon Dr Dotters is going to a major oncology gynecology conference and Dr Gemmel was going to encourage her to pursue preliminary data about the more recent studies.

I guess this all left me with a better feel about all of this and at least a good feeling that my doctor has a clear feeling of where I am at, and she seemed to really care.

Unfortunately, yesterday I was "blessed" with another problem that likely has nothing to do with the endometrial cancer.  I had a echocardiogram on Thursday, which showed at least some evidence of pulmonary hypertension.  Although I do not have all the answers yet and we contacted a cardiologist in Eugene and the case is far from clear,  it is still an extremely concerning finding. We will be going to Eugene this week for a stress echo and consult with the cardiologist.
I have been having intermittant shortness of breath since before the surgery. It has been so vague, and all my chest cts were normal as were my chest xrays, it was a hard thing to describe and between surgery and chemo, I guess I have figured I had enough "good reasons" to be short of breath, that it was likely nothing important.
Pulmonary artery hypertension is a disorder that is rare, and not much is known about what causes it, there is a familial form that tends to run in families, then there are those that occur "out of the blue"
It is also caused by those drugs that were banned many years ago, the fen fen....weight loss drugs, it occurs in AIDS
a secondary form of it occurs in people with chronic bronchitis , advanced lung diseases, and at the later stages of those who suffer sleep apnea.

It is basically where the resistance builds up in the pulmonary vasculature, and the right side of the heart fails because it is pumping against a high resistance.
Without treatment people live about 3 years, with treatment perhaps 6, and a lung transplant is curative.

So though we do not have any solid answers about this, we are looking at something else that will most likely drastically shorten my life.
I think that with this latest news, though extremely upsetting, I am clearly put into the stage of trying to figure out how I want to spend the next few years, which is perhaps a good step in what I am doing.
Ken and I are clearly at a stage right now where he has to work, however we are going to pursue ways that that can be minimized, and while we are trying to sell our house and have been for years, we may sell "other properties" just to allow us the time to spent right now, working less. 

I am actually feeling pretty good this morning with this. Ken and I are still trying to get out to the woods every day for a 2-2.5 mile walk and I try to make it brisk, just to prove to myself that there is nothing wrong with me.
I am hoping that none of this new info will have any effect on my cancer treatments, but again will know more by the end of the week.

I was thinking a lot the other day about my blackday blog and whether I should have sent it and   whether I would drive people away explaining my deep dark thoughts about it all.
There is a sense of trying to be up all the time, because it really makes things more comfortable for the people around you.  And you want people around you, who could possible want to go through all of this alone. I guess I felt perhaps a bit selfish in not keeping to myself.  Here I am sharing my grief with others.... is that wrong?
Then I thought more about society and how there is a tendency to hide the ugly bits in a persons life, just sweep them under the rug, so that no one else every has to deal with them.
Always make everyone else confortable.

I was talking with Kertis the other day and we got talking about this, and the conversation somehow led on to the very similar situation amungst soldiers. It has long been the policy in the military that soldier just "buck up" and never talk about the horrors of war.  No one else has  to be exposed to that unpleasant conversation where a soldier talks his deep dark secrets, the ones that he will carry with his his entire life, all by himself. 
I guess I wrote "your own worst enemy" based on this concept.

The hardest things a person must endure, are endured alone in our society.  Somehow there seems to be something wrong with that.
Not only that, but in the case of the soldier, no one ever really knows what war is really like.
In countries like France and Germany, everyone know what war is like, it was on their doorstep, it was out in their streets and often right in their home. In the US war in only on the the tv, along with all the cops and robbers shows, and all that separates them is an advertisement.

How I digress,
My thoughts go out today to Yemaya, who lost her Bill a few days ago.
He died swiftly. Yemaya all my best wishes go out to you and please let me know if there is anything we can do.

Love and Peace
Janet Bates


  1. Ummm...Wow. I thought yesterday when I noticed I had damaged my eye, slightly, that I might have a vague clue as to how you might be feeling. I stand corrected. In truth I have no clue.

    Perhaps tho, I can help in a small way. I recently noted something and mentioned it to Ken. He suggested You were more capable than he in that area, tho I was reluctant to bother you with it, as I was not sure I was seeing what I saw, if you see what I mean. Having consulted my Brother, Kevin, who has a clue, I feel more confident in mentioning the point.

    Let me cut n paste from the note I sent him :

    Hi Kevin.

    Gotta question.

    As you recall, C has 140 some billion in net asses... Pardon, Assets,
    while its' market cap is about 17billion$, meaning the company will
    not likely fold up and blow away under any imaginable set of
    headlines. This makes it a good stock to use as a working fluid.
    Because it won't matter much at any given moment whether you own the
    stock or have the cash.

    Referring to the option chain that might be loaded by now, I direct
    your attention to the $3 put.

    A put is a right to sell. For this you must pay. Writing a put amounts
    to saying "I'll buy, if the price drops." And, of course, putting up
    the money to do so. For this you get paid. In this instance you could
    be paid .45 cents per share, 45$ per contract of 100 shares. The
    commission (at Zecco) is $4.50 + $.50 per contract.

    1 = $5 = $40 on $300 till May 16th = 13.3 %
    2 = $5.50 = $84.50 on $600 till May 16 = 14.083%
    3 = $6 = $129 on $900 till May 16th =14.3%
    4 = $6.50 = $173.50 on $1200 till May 16th = 14.45%
    5 = $7 = $218 on $1500 till May 16th = 14.53%
    6 = $7.50 = $262.50 on $1800 till May 16th = 14.583%
    7 = $8 = $307 on $2100 till May 16th = 14.619%
    8 = $8.50 = 351.50 on $2400 till May 16th = 14.645%
    9 = $9 = $396 on $2700 till May 16th = 14.667%
    10 = $9.50 = $441.50 on $3000 till May 16th = 14.71667%

    And so on. That's monthly return, people, not APR%

    The RISK (OMG!) is that the price might drop to $3 at some point,
    causing all your cash to turn into Citibank Stock and costing you
    another commission. So if you put up $300, paid $5 in fees, then the
    option gets assigned costing another $5, this leaves you with $35 and
    a hundred shares. Sometime in the next three weeks. If this doesn't
    happen, you repeat plan "A" (I'll buy, if the price drops : collect
    $). If it does happen, you switch to plan "B"

    Plan "B" is "I'll Sell, if the price rises to $4." For this you get
    paid too, tho it seems not quite as much. This is because the option
    premium changes with the price of the stock AND also with time, so the
    quote will reflect what's up, then, and will be different
    every...little while. Once Citibank breaks $4 ( and this seems
    unavoidable ) you will have your cash back, plus one third, plus
    whatever premiums you accumulated in the meantime. Then it's back to
    plan "A".

    It should be noted it is not against the rules to offer to buy and to
    sell at the same time, if you have both money and stock in your
    account. It should be noted as well this is a very simple strategy and
    it is possible to come up with a strategy that makes cash vanish
    overnight. It is suggested you try NOT to do that. It should be
    further noted that option premiums are computed using 5 variables -
    one of which is volatility. This means these dollar figures derive in
    part from the turmoil in the marketplace. That means that this is not
    the way things are when things are good, so when things get good, try
    to have another way to invest on the back burner, ready to go when
    this deal heads south.

    Now the question, Kevin, which I would not have to ask if I had an
    account (Zecco hasn't replied) is; How close to reality is this? Do I
    get it? And if I do...Get It... then shouldn't you be taking shameless
    advantage of this?

    I mean, How many times have you been screwed over a job, and then this
    comes along? At this rate, ten thousand dollars will replace a JOB.
    And you get to keep the time.

    Also. You might want to look at Zecco. Or TradeKing. Cheap. And you
    don't need the hand holding.


    And From His reply :



    As to the Options trading, yes you have the gist of it.
    Put (Send to Market) and Call (Get from Market) are the basic blocks of Market Trading.
    Also is the advanced areas of Naked and Covered (you either do or do not own the stock).
    (Nowadays, most places will not allow Naked Trades for new accounts; You have to show that you can do it right first.)

    The risk is, indeed, in predicting the market and knowing your breakpoint. (Strike price pluss/minus all fees and expenses.)
    You may look into Rolling Calls/Puts, but this may incur additional up front expenses.
    Scissors or Tea Ladders (Put and Call on same stock, different ranges being the Tea Ladders) can also make profits--or ensure the profit from one is taken up by the loss of another--yes people do this for Tax reasons.

    You might want to scope out some 'practice trades' if you have not already. Simple stocks that move a lot, such as Ford or GM--both due to Bankruptcy possibilites and unfuded Retirement obligations may not be the best place to start (The idea that they will go bonk is a very real thing). Also, stable stocks such as Tootsie Roll (TR) are not very nice to options, as they do not move rapidly. Westar Energy (WR) might bear some looking into for what ever investing--once a few more variables and lawsuits get out of the way one way or the other.

    It appears that you have done some basic research already, so wil write you more later. (Also need toget back to work!>)

    It is true I have done better work at a keyboard, and I apologize. I am working with one contact lens just now, and am pushed for time. So I did it quick and dirty.

    It should be plain I admire you and worry and fear. I do hope for the very best for you, and would like to help if I can.