Well I have emerged from round 3 barely scathed, well actually perhaps a little scathed. Well to be honest I am quite relieved to be taking a break from chemo for awhile.
It has been a tough week, but Ken and I are currently on our way to Portland to be fingerprinted by homeland security. (another story).
When I am not feeling up to doing anything, and Ken is working, the days just drag. Under normal circumstances, I almost never go online to google news anymore, however yesterday was different. I was saddened to hear about Farrah Fawcett, and though I usually do not read about the lives of the stars, something in her story hit me. She was diagnosed in 2006 with anal cancer and received chemo and radiation. It was felt that the cancer was gone in 2007, and then in 2008 it recurred.
Ryan O Neal, her long time companion announced yesterday that the cancer was now in the liver and she was bedridden and that she will likely succumb to the cancer.
Usually the lives of the stars does not interest me much, as it seems so artificial. This just seemed sad that she had gone through the chemo and radiation (which was very frightening for her) and the cancer returned......so soon. Ryan discussed the "fight" she had put up and it had made him "fall in love with her all over again".
I have always wondered why the term "fight" is oft used as a metaphor for the "interactions" ones body has with a disease. "She fought it bravely..." "he beat the cancer..". I remember 12 years ago, Ken's very dear aunt Genie, was diagnosed with a very end stage stomach cancer. She lasted only a few precious months. It seems that she had accepted her demise long before those who loved her, however did not want to let anyone down by giving up the fight.
I think now that I am in the situation, that "fight" is a very suitable metaphor. Out walking yesterday I envisioned myself as "the boxer". You know the one you would find in any boxing movie. Kid out jogging, dreaming of the fight.....well....... dreaming of the victory. (do they really dream of bashing someone's head in.....?...I digress)
.. Building up the muscles, eating whatever is going to make him stronger. Listening to the coach when he says "buck up kid", " you can beat this guy". Knowing his opponent, knowing all his moves, and knowing he is stronger. Preparing for the next round. Or the next fight.
I have never physically fought another person in my life, but in thinking about boxers, I wonder how a boxer could enter a fight that he did not believe fully he would win.
Farrah was quoted in the tabloids a few years ago as having said "please just let me die" In a recent interview she has said how hurtful the media has been, that she would never have said anything like that. (if you think of it why would anyone undergo chemo and radiation if they wanted to die). We all know that the tabloids are basically scumballs, and this is pretty typical for the likes of "the National Inquirer". I guess its just sad that enough people are interested in trash to make tabloids such a lucrative business. Sad!
Ken is now off for a week, and we are going to have a little "holiday". Well sort of, kind of like, in a way. Kertis is looking after Rex and Chewy.
We have an appointment in Eugene on Friday afternoon for my "radiation simulation" and my sister Linda is driving down from Canada on Friday. We will then drive back to Bandon on Saturday, and most likely start External beam radiation on Tuesday next week, in Eugene.
I am feeling pretty good today and walked 2 miles yesterday.
Peace and love
jankenb @ gmail.com